Monday, 24 September 2012

Does the Postman Tell You He Loves You?

Some readers of this blog expect it to be full of funny little stories about my mental kids.  I'm sorry to disappoint, but the title of the blog quite clearly says "One Sleepy Dad" and not "One Sleepy Dad's Lunatic Kids' Antics and the Cute Stuff They Say."

But, taking Sleepy Dad holistically, it would be unreasonable not to include some tales of the cute chatter that falls from the mouths of his kids.

I give you the post you have been screaming for. A brief hit of the darndest things said by the Little Dude this week. And a little story of Squeaker the slugger.

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I have been ordering a few books online lately and the postman has been making deliveries every other day.  Then, a present for the kids arrived from Athena's mum.  I said to the Little Dude "the postman brought us a present!"  Having seen the trail of packages handed over by the postman in the previous week, he replied "does the postman tell you that he loves you?"

"Just the milkman," I replied.  He looked perplexed.

So, I had to explain to him the postal service machinations and what a milkman is. I usually start stories of things that were around when I was a kid but are now extinct with "In the olden days...."

*

How do you know who you are going to marry?
A few days ago the Little Dude asked me "how do you know who you are going to marry?"  He was approaching it not as how do you know who the right person is? but more along the lines of is there a system that allocates mates and how does it work?

I explained to him courting and proposal.  He then asked "when you asked Mummy to marry you, did you say please?"  I think this is a very important point.  Proposing marriage is the biggest request you can make of a person and nobody I've known has ever used their manners.  Athena certainly didn't when she asked me to marry her!

*

Still on the topic of marriage, the Little Dude asked me "If Mummy dies, will you get married again?" I was a little taken aback.  After establishing that Athena is not on death's door, I asked him if he had anyone in mind. "I'll marry you if Mummy dies," he offered.  It sounded more like an act of pity towards me than a yearning to be married to me.

Anyhow, I have warned Athena and she is now watching her back.


*

Yesterday morning I went into the kids' room as they had woken up.  Squeaker was standing at her cot rail and the Little Dude was singing and dancing for her entertainment.

I buried my head in the cupboard looking for a clean nappy (diaper) and a second later the Little Dude complained "Squeaker punched me!"

I turned around and looked at him incredulously.  She's only 17 months old and there is nowhere in this house she would learn how to punch. Almost sarcastically, I asked her "did you punch the Little Dude?"

Boxing training.
She grinned a proud, toothy smile, cocked her fist and let fly with two right jabs at the Little Dude's head (stupidly, he failed to remove it from the theater of conflict).

I was astonished.  Normally little kids, girls in particular, use a hammer fist.  She did an honest-to-goodness jab WITH BREATH CONTROL, hissing with exertion.

I spent the next ten minutes asking her to punch, and she obliged, proudly.  I taught her that it is okay to punch, just not people.  I started this by saying "punch the Little Dude," and she gleefully cocked her fist and let fly.  I stopped the punch short and taught her that she is not allowed to punch people. I asked her to punch me and she looked at me like I was trying to trick her.  

She understood.

Now I can get her to punch the air, a pillow, or even my hand when it is offered, but she never punches a person.

I still have no idea where she learned how to punch.


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